And you will not believe what just happened. First, let me tell you something. My room in approximately 258 degrees. I am sitting in Swamp Ass City, sweat pouring out from under my breasts like I have spigots installed there. And I want my fan. Which is in the other room. So, since i'm awake, which is not normal for 6 in the morning for me, I decide to get it. And practically shit my pants.
There is a turtle on the chair in the living room. A turtle! I am sitting there, freaking out, because how the hell did a turtle get in here!? And is it dead? Alive? Possibly diseased!? Oh, wait. It's fucking plastic.
Bravo, Chris. Don't you feel smart?