This, Ladies and Gentleman, is a little something called "Progress".

First order of business, rain + walking = SUCK. Getting hit with huge, cold dollops of water and then walking around wet and cold with throbbing eyebrows and a sweaty head is a big, huge, horrible party of Le Suck. Whatever.



Trying to be more assertive, and did actually bring up to my fiancee, getting a license, job, car, house, etc. all quite recently. Now, he does have a car, a nice one, but due to non-use (and a stolen steering wheel), it looks more like this, plus covered over with a crappy blue tarp. No joke, there are mice and mosquitoes in there, plus spiders, the vinyl seats are screwed up with metal springs, and the engine and transmission are in the garage. Fucked up AMX. Seriously bad.

And, i'm going to help me help him clean it. Friday.


Thursday, (aka) later today, is going to be spent cleaning my room spotless, and getting more stuff to bring over to him or throw out. We are going to make progress, even if I need to shove a boot in his ass to get us there. He's getting a job come September, and i'm going to try to find one, and at least have my license by then. Also, i'll be getting ID soon, my grandmother will bring me. Yay, ID!!

Interesting people are to be found on Plurk a site similar to Twitter, but (for me) easier to use. Why not try it out?

Sucky Day turned around midway.

Today was mostly some general commotion and confrontation, with a relative that Joe and I don't favor too much giving us problems, but I did come to some decisions today.

1. We cannot live here anymore. We need to move.
2. We need jobs and transportation first.
3. We are going to be great together one day.

Allow me to further explain.

1. We live in a small town, in a house with his (evil) step-sister. She disliked me and caused a lot of trouble for family in the past, and takes it out on us. You know what? Oh well. The best thing to do is ignore her for now, because we need to move, therefore we will move, and not "within the next 10-12 years".
2. I missed Driver's Education class in school due to moving around, and have just ended up never learning, so I don't know how to drive. Never even got a permit. Joe simply never renewed his permit, because he had no interest. Summarily, neither of us has any transportation other than our own two legs. And the random bike-ride or whatnot.
3. I love him that much. He's a goofball, but he's my goofball, and I like it that way.

So, what are your plans for the future? House? Mansion? Trailer park?
As for me, i'm thinking trailer park or small, starter home is preferred over an apartment.

Pain and Music

I'm in love with an artist named Emilie Autumn. So, i'm going to do something I usually wouldn't do. Post two songs, along with what I see as the meaning behind my favorite phrases in each song (I'm not picking apart the entire song, you can see the meaning in it yourself by listening to it! Yup, the titles are linked to YouTube). Yeah, here comes a long post. First i'll please your eyes with pictures of the gorgeous singer / violinist I am about to decipher and put on a pedestal.





Opheliac [ noun- an abnormal obsession towards a person ]
I'm your Opheliac
I've been so disillusioned
I know you'd take me back
But still I feign confusion
I couldn't be your friend
My world was too unstable
You might have seen the end

But you were never able
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away

You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way [ seems to me she needs things to go her own way; is obsessed with it always going exactly as planned ]
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay [ attempt to control loved one by unreasonable means ]
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when [ jealousy ]
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you [ blame ]
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me [ regret, saying please forgive me, it's just how I am ]

I'm your Opheliac
My stockings prove my virtues
I'm open to attack
But I don't want to hurt you
Whether I swim or sink
That's no concern of yours now
How could you possibly think
You had the power to know how
To keep me breathing
As the water rises up again
Before I slip away

You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me

Studies show:
Intelligent girls are more depressed
Because they know
What the world is really like
Don't think for a beat it makes it better
When you sit her down and tell her
Everything gonna be all right
She knows in society she either is
A devil or an angel with no in between
She speaks in the third person
So she can forget that she's me

Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt
Doubt thou the stars are fire
Doubt thou the sun doth move
Doubt truth to be a liar
But never doubt I love

You know the games I play
And the words I say
When I want my own way
You know the lies I tell
When you've gone through hell
And I say I can't stay
You know how hard it can be
To keep believing in me
When everything and everyone
Becomes my enemy and when
There's nothing more you can do
I'm gonna blame it on you
It's not the way I want to be
I only hope that in the end you will see
It's the Opheliac in me


Gothic Lolita
How old are you?
I'm older than you'll ever be
I've been dead a thousand years
And lived only two or three
I don't mind telling you
My life was ended by your hand
The kind of murder where nobody dies
But I don't suppose you'd understand
(Call off the search
We've found her)

If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita

Thank you, kind sirs
You've made me what I am today [ if you read the beginning, you would see that she talked about being molested when she was younger- "murder where nobody dies" ]
A bundle of broken nerves
A mouthful of words
I'm still afraid to say [ impossible to admit; shameful secret ]
I don't mind telling you
Now that I'm old enough to love
I couldn't begin to even if
My pretty life depended on it [ you ruined my ability to trust, to love ]
And funny thing, it does [ how do you feel now? ]
(Call off the search
We've found her)

If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita

I am your sugar
I am your cream
I am your anti-American dream

I am your sugar
I am your cream
I am your worst nightmare
Now scream

If I am Lolita
Then you are a criminal
And you should be killed
By an army of little girls
The law won't arrest you
The world won't detest you
You never did anything
Any man wouldn't do
I'm Gothic Lolita
And you are a criminal
I'm not even legal
I'm just a dead little girl
But ruffles and laces
And candy sweet faces
Directed your furtive hand
I perfectly understand
So it's my fault?
No, Gothic Lolita



So, beyond the amazing violin music and entrancing vocal effects that leave me drooling for music by her, the lyrics of Gothic Lolita speak of a deep, meaningful, significant, and shameful time in Emilie's life; and Opheliac (some say it's based off of Hamlet) is about obsession for a cause, hurting out of love, guilt over caring. Such a beautiful girl, with amazing talent. I would kill to see her live, I would probably die if I got to meet her. I can't imagine how deep she must be to scribe such brilliant lyrics.

And now, since I have been getting a few comments and more viewers, i'll start posing questions! For one, have you heard of this singer? Or are you particularly fond of one artist or another? And yes, Rap counts as music! Although I, personally, listen to very little.